On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
