I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
