i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
