Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
