he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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