My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
