is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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