I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
