The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
