I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
