I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
