I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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