my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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