Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize