Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everclear isn't food dammit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
