is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
