Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
