saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
