I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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