he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
