I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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