i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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