Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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