Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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