Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
