I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
