Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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