i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
