i was born a porn star she said
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He better not be in your backpack
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
