He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
