Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
