Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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