I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
