Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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