she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
