I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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