your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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