I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
