Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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