Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
