some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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