Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
