Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
