i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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