That's intense
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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