Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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