It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
