I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
