Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
