Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize