he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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