i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
