I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
