I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
