I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
