Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
