True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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