I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will pee on everything he values.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
