You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
