that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
