3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you win again, gameday.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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