she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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