Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
