she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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