We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
