I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize