My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
