Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
