the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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