is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
