absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
